Becoming a virgin again






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Hate 3
Hate
By Martin Clement
Unless otherwise noted, this story is Copyright 2006 by
Martin Clement for Clement Boule Associes. All rights reserved.
No part of this story may be reproduced, published, distributed, displayed,
performed, copied or stored for public or private use in any information
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any mechanical, photographic or
electronic process, including electronically or digitally on the Internet or
World Wide Web, or over any network, or local area network, without written
permission of the author.
No part of this story may be modified or changed or exploited
in any way used for derivative works, or offered for sale, or used to construct
any kind of database or mirrored at any other location without the express
written permission of the author.
Thank you for respecting the intellectual property rights
protected by the copyright laws of Canada, the United States and International
Copyright Treaty.
Chapter 3
Lessons To Forgiveness

"Are you fucking
crazy?"
"Yeah...
probably..."
"Are you just
going to asian schoolgirl virgin forgive him like that? After all you've been through?"
So that's the way this
first morning after Mike's apologies was going... Jeez, this pep talk wasn't
going so well after all. Of course, I couldn't just forgive and forget like
that. I school virgins rusia would be a liar if I were to go to Mike and tell him everything was
forgiven and forgotten. It would be just a bunch of lies... and I was not a
liar. Sure, I remember some little lies virgins desnudas I told when I was a kid. Jeez, I even
remember lying to myself, how could I never lie? You can't tell your mother that
her dress is horrible! That would be pretty rude, don't you think?
I remember telling my
father that I really didn't know what happened to his favourite collection Chinese
porcelain tea pot. Yeah right! It was my favourite too and each time I could
hold it in my hands, it was a colour fest for my eyes. So when I tripped on my
feet and it fell to the ground, I did what a kid would do, afraid to see the
disappointment in my father's eyes. I couldn't see it. I could never disappoint
my father. I was his pride and joy. I would have done anything and tell any lie
for my father not to change his way of seeing me. These were just kiddie teeny little virgin sex lies.
Nothing very harmful. Yeah, sure, I know my father adored his Chinese tea pot
collection. But it becoming a virgin again was just material. No. What seemed to be really hurtful were
not lies. No... It was the truth. The truth of being myself. The truth of
knowing my deepest and most hurtful secret. I know today that the contrary of
the truth is not lie when you don't say a word. The contrary of truth benjamin franklin virgin islands is secret.
And everybody has a right virgins i am fool to have secrets. We don't tell everything to our
friends or to our family. Not even our best friend, if we happen to have one. film virgin suicides It
makes me laugh when I hear of friends thinking they have a right ilegal virgin to know every
secret you keep from them. Secrets are secrets and if you want to tell anybody
about it, it is your own right to do so. It is the same if you don't want to
tell them. It doesn't make these secrets lies. But I told lies like every kids.
If only I could have kept that secret of mine just the way it was... a secret.
But as the secret was not a secret anymore, I couldn't take it back, cause
taking it back would have meant lying. And I didn't want to lie to anybody. I
just wanted people to mind their own business and let me live...
Jeez, was I thinking
that morning, sitting on that bench of the russian virgins link elementary school...? I couldn't tell
Mike he was forgotten. I couldn't try and base a friendship on lies. That has
never been the way we kept our friendship for one another when we were still
friends. Well... that's what I thought.
Mike sure had lied to
me and everybody. Oh! He told the truth about me kissing him! That was the truth
and I never denied it. I kissed him. Even if today I was still sorry about it.
Not sorry about the kiss in itself, mind you. But sorry about everything that
happened since I kissed him. But Mike lied to everybody, telling them nude virgin teen he didn't
kiss me back, telling everybody cute little virgins free he wanted nothing to do with me when he was just
afraid for his safety. Yesterday he lied to Matthew instead of telling him he
had no right to ask. Even if he had told him, "Just what kind of question
is that?", he wouldn't have been lying. But Matthew was so stupid and
stubborn about his way of thinking that he would have thought it was a
confession. For him, being gay meant being lonely and having no friends but gay
friends. And being gay also meant you were always trying to get into every
male's pants. I know Mike was just a kid when he betrayed me after all, but
could I just up and forgive him in spite of innocence of childhood? No. I
couldn't do that. Well, I could if I were not still that angry... But I was.
Actually, for five years, I've been furious. No. Hateful. Vengeful. Mike lied to
me. Betrayed me. Pushed me away. Punched me in the face. Swept away a childhood
of friendship hot virgins links nude virgin teen
in spite of saving his own self. My feelings have been hurt. So
hurt I sometimes thought about taking away my life. Yeah, it's been that bad.
I sure wanted to
forgive him. But wanting was just not enough. When I thought about him telling
me he loved me, I was sure he told me the truth this time. Well, I thought it
was kind of weird, since I thought that when you loved someone, you would die
trying to protect them! And since this discussion happened the day before, I
didn't stop thinking. I had this teenager little virginity sex dilemma that naked virgin teens wouldn't leave me alone. You know,
they say love is a very close neighbour of hate. Well, let me tell you that I
realized that very lolas russian virgins morning that it was very true. They were very close
neighbours in my innocent russian virgin teens head at the moment. What to choose? Hate or love? Well let me
tell you that in spite of what some people might think, I was not about to make
that terrible choice. I wasn't even sure I wanted Mike into my life. I wanted
him to hug me but at the same time, I wanted virgin small teens to spit in his face. I wanted to
cry on his shoulder and I also wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to stay with me
every day for the rest of our lives but I also wanted to forget our friendship
had ever existed. I couldn't make that decision. Everything was going so fast...
I had to take a step at a time... But for that, I had to find some peace in my
mind. And that was not going to happen soon. We would never be able to go back
in time and make things nude virgin teen that happened not exist anymore.
There are no course of
Forgiveness 101 taught in high school. No lesson showing us the way. There are
no lesson to healing either. If they ever existed, I would have found a way to
register.
Thirteen years old is a
very decisive period of a boy's life, since it is about at that age that he gets
into puberty. All these changes inside and out of his body telling him he's
slowly but surely becoming a man have a lot of effects on his way to see the
world. Well, it was not different for me. At this age, I started to read
anything, and I really mean anything that would help me knowing who I rusian virgin girl free was, since
nobody would help me at home. I read book after book speaking from adolescence
to adultness, from heterosexuality to homosexuality, from religious to
scientific approaches, from love to hate, but never could find anything speaking
about healing. Oh! There were these mushy books with pink roses on the covers
speaking about positive thoughts and all that shit, but jeez, I didn't need to
sleep, I fucking needed to heal!
Then there little teen virgins
were the
shrinks... Actually, it was not my idea to see Dr Kelly. It was my mom's. As it
was almost two years that we were not communicating anymore, since the only
words I would tell her were very short sentences just to answer a question she
asked, never smiling to her, never instigating a conversation, never ever
staying in a room next to her if it was not needed, well, I guess you know what
I mean. And my father... well, since he never even talked to me after disowning
me as his son, nor he ever looked my way, I never Ass virgin getting fucked told him another word. And
even at sixteen, there was never a word between us. Not a single word.
It's weird how in less
than two years, suggestions become commands. Remember when I told you my father
was always suggesting instead of commanding? Well when it came to me seeing Dr
Kelly, the issue never applied. "You'll go, that's all!" was my
mother's bd little virgins order. And to make sure I'd go, she'd half dragged me down to her
office. Well, she guessed right, because I surely would have never gone by
myself! What a deal it was... She made me go to the shrink's office every
Thursday after school. And like a kindergarten child, she made the principal
call me in his office so I couldn't go away. That was when I realized that
school is a dictatorship and you strictly have no rights. Well, no rights
against this kind of kidnapping, anyway. So, every Thursday after school
for almost a year, she made me see Dr Kelly, to no avail.
I guess she would have
made me go until my majority if she could have done it, but since she would have
needed a court injunction to oblige me to see a professional after my fourteenth
birthday, she had to let me stop the consultations not to have to face me, in
the name of a social worker and the district attorney, in court. There are laws
in Canada protecting citizens. There is one protecting teenagers over fourteen
against that kind of abuse. There is also a law protecting teenagers over
sixteen saying that if the kid is working and can find a way of living by
himself, they are automatically emancipated. They also have the right to quit
school if they want. But, that's another story.
Back to the shrink. It
strictly served nothing for me to go, since I never opened my mouth in her
office. Being silent was another one of my rights and nobody would have made me
talk against my own decision. Oh but did she try! She tried everything she
could. She tried to be nice, talking to me like virgin private teen I were a two years old kid...
talking to me as if I were an adult... she even tried the crying game. All the
time, I counted the noisy tics made by the arm of the clock counting the
seconds, eyes closed, clammed inside of my head. I used the time to think about
how much I hated my parents for making me go little virgin sexe
and see this shrink when all they
had nude virgins pics to do for me to heal was apologise and tell me they didn't mean to be cruel
to me, two years before. But at this time, they could do nothing. I hated them
because the apologies never came. Even my mother's behaviour of forgetting so
fast what she had done that night of September 2002 was an indicator of the way
she thought. She thought she could go on without ever having to excuse herself
to her own child. Jeez, did she think a kid was so worthless he didn't deserve
an apology? That was not the way I thought.
You know, as they say,
you choose your friends but you don't choose your family. But you sure have the
right to choose between loving them or not. And you also have the right not to
see them for the rest of your life as soon as you've left their house. Yes, I
know it is rude to say that. But it is also very true. And I planned on doing
exactly that.
Looking back to these
events, I'm not sure today that my choice not to talk to sexy virgine girl
the psychiatrist teen virgin art was
the best I ever made. Maybe very petite virgins Dr. Kelly could have helped me. Maybe not. I don't
have anything against shrinks. But I still think that forcing a kid to do
anything is just rude. Anything also means seeing a doctor. Remember my father's
way of thinking? Well, it was mine when I was thirteen and it still is the same.
"Hi, Lucas."
I didn't see Michael
Walsh entering the elementary school yard as I was trying to prevent another
headache, my face buried in my hands. I just lifted my head up and there he was,
maybe ten feet in front of me, hands in his green Roots letterman jacket's
pockets. I just sat there a couple of minutes, not saying a word. russian virgins link It was only
six thirty at my watch.
"We're having a
special training in half an hour." hardcore teen virgin lol he said tentatively. " I just
happened to pass by the the school and saw you there. free virgin paradise pictures
Just wanted to say hi and
let you know that I was serious yesterday when I said I would try to make up for
what I did to you." Then, there was an awkward silence. I hadn't said a
word yet. But I didn't know what to say. I couldn't pretend it was okay with me
because I didn't know if it would be. I couldn't tell him to leave me the fuck
alone since I didn't know it black virgin mountain it were what I wanted him to do. I couldn't tell
him I didn't care... because the only thing I was really sure of was that I
cared. "Okay... hum... see you, Lucas, I guess..." he said and turned
around, head hanging low, starting back to where his car was parked on the side
of the street.
"Wait." I
mumbled. It came almost as a whisper. It was so feeble I wasn't even sure Ass virgin getting fucked it
came from me. But it did. We were both alone together in the school yard. I
thought he hadn't heard my lonely word but realized he had when I saw him stop
walking. He didn't turn around this time. He just stopped walking. He didn't
even say a word. "Just..." I started. "Just give me some time...
okay?" I whispered.
Mike just nodded,
slightly turning his head in my direction, just enough for me to see a small
part of the left side of his face.
"Yeah... okay
Lucas..." he murmured.
"Michael..."
"Yeah...?"
"I will try, okay?
It's just... it's not easy for me. I just have to get a grip on things. I need
to. You understand?" I asked, standing from the bench.
"Yeah... I
understand."
"I don't want to
get hurt again."
"I know..."
"You've hurt me
pretty bad."
"I know,
Lucas..."
"Just give me some
time and I'll see free teen virgin sex if I can have it in my heart virgins teen top 100 to forgive you. But we have a
long road in tgp virgins ru front of us. I want to recover, Michael. I am tired of hating
everybody. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of dying inside every time I think
about what happened five years ago. I want to find myself. I want to live
again. I want to be able to forgive you and forget about everything. But I can't
do it in one day. I don't how long it will take me to do it, or if I will ever
be able to do it, but I will try."
At that, Michael's
shoulders started trembling and I knew that he was quietly sobbing. He stayed
there a couple of minutes more before he started walking again, got in his car
and left.
So I had made my
choice, there on the elementary school's playground, in the chilly end of
September's morning, to try my best to forgive the past. It would Ass virgin getting fucked be hard work.
But I didn't have the choice but move on with the past so I could live my life
as free of grieves as I could. The process would be long. But the only thing I
wanted was for it to work. I would have to do the same with everybody I cared.
Don't get me virgin girles wrong! I
would not let anybody step on my feet. And talking with my parents wouldn't be
right now. I needed to think about it before I did anything. I wouldn't let them
think they won. They made me suffer for five years, I would set my own rules.
But not right now. Now I had to get to school and try keeping myself safe. So I
just put my mask on, my eyes growing cold, my face empty of emotion, and lit up
a cigarette before starting towards St. Johns' High.

To be continued...
I really don't know
where my head was when I finalized chapter 2. So many errors on it. Might have
been the hurry I was to give you the chapter or the fact that I wrote it in the
middle of the night, I don't know. So, I hope I didn't make so many mistakes in
this one. Again, thanks everybody for your comments and keep on e-mailing me to
let me know how you like the story so far.
You can send me any
constructive comment, I'm pretty open and I'll try to answer all the messages.
Don't forbidden russian virgins
give me flames cause you know, I don't give a shit about pretty little virgins
them. If you
didn't like to read a gay story, well, what the hell were you doing here? Sorry
for people who wanted virgin girl blonde incest a good wank because there won't be any explicit sex. Why?
Because I don't feel like writing about it right now. And if you were offended
by the fact my principal characters are gay, why don't you go back to your churches
and trust in everything they say and leave me alone? For the others, welcome to
my story and see you soon!

Martin Clement

mailto:clementbouleassquebecemail.com

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